Pissed
by Marblez
Summary: Rhaoul's ?Spelling? drinking problem explained. R for stuff.


Disclamer: I don't own. This is a fic that sort of explains Raoul's drinking problem, when he starts drinking again. Set when he finds out that 1st Section is dead. Rated R for Slash rape in flashback.  
  
Pissed  
  
Raoul raised the wine bottle to his lips. He'd never been so depressed before. A whole section was dead because he'd put an incompetent man in charge. The wine made him feel better. He'd nicked it from Flydon's supply and was now getting drunk. He was already on his forth bottle when he realised he'd run out of bottles. He walked unevenly to the royal wine cellar of the palace and started opening bottles faster than he could count. After a while nothing mattered but the drink and when he'd finished one bottle he threw it to the ground, causing it to smash and was then on the next one.  
  
The sound of breaking glass woke King Jonathan from his slumber. He immediately got up, but his tunic and breeches on, grabbed his sword and went in search of what was making the noise. When he found it he was horrified. Raoul lay in the centre of the cellar, open bottles all around him, a pile of broken glass behind him and about twenty bottles missing from the stack.  
"Raoul!" Jon gasped, walking closer to his friend.  
"Your royal bastardness! How nice of you to call on a lowly man who makes nothing but bloody wrong decisions" Raoul said, totally pissed taking another swig of wine. "Come to stop me like a common thief, you brought sword and all!" Raoul said happily, getting to his feet and wobbling over to Jon, the wine bottle still in his hand. "I hope you don't mind me borrowing this but I'll pay you back" Raoul said walking closer to him. Jon was remembering the last time, and was too afraid to move, especially when Raoul's lips suddenly covered his in a hard, rough kiss.  
  
!!!FLASHBACK!!!  
  
Raoul walked along the corridor, pissed out of his mind, seeking Jon. He came to Jon's room and knocked.  
"Enter" Jon called. Raoul entered. He had a wine bottle in each hand although he'd already drunk four others. Jon looked up from his desk, surprised.  
"Sorry for bother-er-ering you Jon" Raoul's words were slurred, helping Jon identify the fact that he was drunk. "But I need a favour".  
"What's that?" Jon asked, standing up slowly. Raoul walked quickly over to him, putting the bottles on the desk before trapping Jon in a fiery kiss. Jon squirmed, trying to get away but Raoul's hands held him firmly in place. Raoul stopped kissing Jon long enough to place a gag on him, a gag he'd had in his pocket. Jon looked at him terrified. He'd never seen his friend like this before. Raoul pushed Jon towards the bed. Jon landed on the bed and immediately tried to scramble away but Raoul was on top of him. He started undoing Jon shirt. Jon lashed out with his hands, trying to push his drunk friend off him. Raoul had shut and locked the door when he came in so no one could interfere. Raoul had also brought with him pieces of rope. He bound Jon's hands together, his hands shaking. Jon looked at his friends face but only saw a monster. Raoul continued to strip both of them until they were both naked. Then he turned Jon over roughly. Jon tried to shout through the gag but it was hopeless, it was too thick. Raoul started preparing him. Jon closed his eyes and tried to block everything out. But when Raoul forced himself into his friend Jon eyes shot open as he cried out in pain. It was agony! Tears forced their way out of his eyes and down his cheeks. Raoul started laughing as he thrust deeper and deeper into his friend, not caring how much it hurt the prince. As soon as he came he collapsed into darkness, the wine getting the better of him. Jon rolled over so he faced his friend. Jon struggled with the rope on his wrists until it came off leaving angry red marks in their wake. He then pulled of the gag and backed fearfully away from Raoul. He found the corner of his room and curled into a ball, crying himself to sleep.  
  
//NEXT DAY//  
  
Raoul woke with a pounding headache but what surprised him was that he wasn't in his bed, he was in Jonathan's. He sat bolt upright when he noticed he was naked. His eyes went wide, what had he done last night? When he saw Jon, also naked but curled up in a ball his eyes nearly popped out of his sockets. Jon's cheeks were covered in tearstains and red marks were around his wrists. There was a piece of rope and a wad of clothe lying nearby. Raoul tried to remember what he did the night before. He'd gone for a drink and had ended up having too much and he'd.he'd gone to Jon's room but why he couldn't remember. He thought hard and then it hit him, like a sledge hammer, he'd raped Jon! He struggled over to Jon and shook him awake. When Jon saw him he cowered in fear.  
"Jon, Jon I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" Raoul said panickly. "I was drunk.I didn't know what I was doing!" he ignored the pounding headache and tried to make amends.  
"You.you." Jon couldn't speak, only looked at his red wrists.  
"Jon, you know I would never do that if I hadn't been drunk!" Raoul whispered, touching Jon's cheek, getting him to look at him. Jon was trembling with fear as he looked at his friend. "J-J-Jon, you know I-I-I wouldn't" Raoul stuttered, on the brink of tears. Two tears ran silently down his face. Jon watched them, realising the truth in his friends words. "I'm so sorry Jon, I'll leave you alone. I'll leave altogether, I can't bear myself anymore after what I did to you" Raoul said sternly, getting up to retrieve his clothes.  
"Don't!" Jon choked out. "Don't leave! You're a great page, you just n-n-need to promise me something" Jon said, stuttering slightly as he got up.  
"Yes? Jon I'll do anything! I didn't mean to do that, you know I didn't don't you!" Raoul pleaded with him.  
"I-I-I know. I want you to promise me you'll never drink again" Jon said quietly. Raoul nodded fiercly, his head thudding painfully.  
"I wouldn't touch another bottle even if the fate of the land depended on it!" Raoul vowed. Looking at Jon and then at the bed Raoul burst into tears. He fell loudly to his knees and covered his face in his hands. Jon was at his side at once, hugging his friend fiercely.  
  
!!!IN FLASHBACK NO LONGER!!!  
  
Jon was older and stronger now and managed to push Raoul off him. The force and his drunk state cause Raoul to fall backwards roughly. Jon immediately pointed his sword at him. Raoul froze, staring at Jon.  
"Get up Raoul" Jon ordered. He was angry because Raoul had done it again, but at least it wasn't as bad as last time. Raoul got up and Jon walked him to his room. He opened it and pushed Raoul inside. Taking the key from the dresser he shut the door and locked it so that his friend couldn't get out.  
  
Raoul was very angry but also very drunk. He pushed his dresser over and smashed most things smashable. Then he sank onto his knees and cried like a small child until he fell asleep.  
  
//NEXT DAY//  
  
Raoul woke and looked around his room, gasping from shock. Everything was broken, except for the statue of a cat Kel had given him. He'd got drunk, he knew that but what had happened to get his room like this. Jon! He'd gone after Jon again. This time though Jon had come to him, and had brought a sword and had stopped him, locking him in here. He'd smashed things in anger, he didn't need his memory to figure that out. He began to clear his things up, crying silently at the huge mistake he'd made.  
  
Jon woke, angry. He dressed, excused himself from his wife's presence and then walked to Raoul's room. He unlocked the room and entered. Raoul was slowly tidying up a huge mess in his room, silent tears coursing down his cheeks. Jon watched him for a few minutes, noting how regretful Raoul looked.  
"Raoul" he finally said. Raoul jerked up and stared at him. "You broke your promise" Jon said evenly.  
"Jon please. I was depressed."  
"I don't want to hear it. If I ever hear of you drinking again I will have to press charges for what you did to me last time" Jon threw the key down and walked away leaving Raoul to cry alone again with no comfort.  
  
//4WEEKS LATER//  
  
Jon and Raoul weren't speaking, Kel could see that. Whenever Jon entered the room Raoul quickly left and when Raoul entered the room Jon became silent and glared at him.  
"My lord?" Kel asked Raoul when they were alone. "Why are you and the King acting so strange?" Raoul froze, staring at her. After a long time he replied.  
"I drank and made Jon remember things he shouldn't have to remember" Raoul said quietly.  
"If you don't mind my asking.what?" Kel asked quietly.  
"I DO MIND YOU ASKING!" Raoul shouted making Kel shrink away from him.  
"I'm sorry my lord. I shouldn't have asked" Kel said, going to leave.  
  
"No, Kel! Wait!" Raoul called. Kel turned back to him. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped. I did something very horrible to him when I was drunk a few years back, when we were pages, and when I drank last time I tried to do it again. I don't blame him for not forgiving me"  
"What.what did you do?" Kel asked quietly, clearing her throat halfway through. Raoul looked at her, his eyes searching for something. After a few minutes he sighed.  
"Something no one should ever do to someone else" Raoul whispered, a tear falling onto his cheek. Kel stared at him. There was only one thing that came to mind, rape.  
"Did.um.did you r-r-rape him?" Kel asked so quietly she could barely hear herself speaking. Raouls head jerked up from where it had been looking at the floor and stared at her, then slowly he nodded, more tears tumbling onto his cheeks. Kel gasped and placed a hand over her mouth. Raoul lowered himself loudly to his knees and sobbed into his hands. Kel stared at him, the great knight crying like a child.  
"I'm sorry, I'm a failure, I'll leave, I'll go away, you don't deserve such a failure, a bastard" Raoul muttered, choking in-between words. Kel kneeled down infront of him, lifting his head with her hand. "Don't Kel, I don't deserve it" Raoul whispered. A knock came on the door.  
"Who is it?" Kel called.  
"King Jonathan" Raoul scrambled to his feet and ran to the door of his room but Kel stopped him.  
"Come in" she called. The door opened and Jon walked in. He took in the fact that Kel looked slightly afraid and the fact that Raoul was crying again and sighed.  
"Leave" he ordered Kel. Kel did as she was told. Raoul turned away from Jon and wiped his eyes. Then he turned back and looked at Jon. Jon glared at him and Raoul felt a tear tumble down his cheek but left it.  
"You wanted to see me highness" Raoul tried to keep the choke out of his voice.  
"Alanna has informed me that she found you crying outside with a knife in your possession" Jon said.  
"Am I followed everywhere?" Raoul asked angrily.  
"No, but what I want to know is what you were doing with the knife" Jon said.  
"Nothing" Raoul said, glaring at him. His hands were trembling, he'd cut his hand in a promise to the gods never to drink again and he didn't want anyone to know, the scar on his hand was a reminder, he didn't need anyone else to remind him also. There was a long silence in which the two just looked at each other until, choking Raoul turned away from Jon. "I wish to be relieved of my duty my lord" he muttered, not looking at Jon. "I want you to post me as far away as you can get, please? Please let me go?" he turned, pleading with Jon who just watched him. "I can't live with seeing you, what I did, what I tried to do again, Jon I can't, send me away, charge me and execute me, anything! Just don't make me live like this" Raoul was down on his knees infront of Jon, tears tumbling down his cheeks, his whole body shook as he sobbed. Jon stared at the top of his friends head, had he been this cold hearted to make his friend cry willingly infront of him for death. Jon knelt down quietly and tipped Raouls tear streaked face up.  
"I'm sorry Raoul" Jon whispered.  
"Don't be, I deserve this, please Jon, send me away" Raoul mumbled, not looking Jon in the eyes.  
"I'm sorry. I forgive you" Jon said quietly. Raoul looked at him and choked.  
  
"I won't drink again Jon, I've given the gods my oath" Raoul promised, hugging his friend tightly.  
"Good, it will do you good. Now come my friend, let's go and find some fun" Jon said, smiling, returning the hug before her pulled away. Raoul smiled for the first time in ages and wiped his cheeks on his sleeves and then the two left the room, good friends again.  
  
~THE END~  
  
A/N Hope you like it, if you don't, don't bother to tell me. Flames will be  
shot by the snipers from 'Enemy at the Gates', NOW THAT'S A BLOODY GOOD  
MOVIE! 


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